Let's face it, looking for jobs is inherently super shit. It is 100% irredeemable. You put in tons of effort, stress, and emotional labour and 9 times out of 10 you get back a pissy email saying “thanks but you’re just not good enough hun x”. It’s enough to make you want to dust off that old guillotine from the back of the attic and piss on ol’ Maggie’s grave! Unfortunately, guillotining the wealthy apparently consititutes “murder” and I’m a nervous pisser anyway. Irregardless, through the depths of my jobless depression I have developed a number of useful tips that are guaranteed to make your life slightly less shitty.
Treat it like a job (with BIG annual leave)
You wanna be a pawn in the corporate machine? Well honey, you can start exploiting yourself RIGHT NOW! Yea i know this is the advice that every crappy Business Insider (tm) “How to get through the job search uwu” gives but I’m sorry to say that this one is kinda good. However, whereas they would emphasise that it makes you more productive, I would emphasise that makes you better at taking breaks. The whole process is emotionally exhausting like full-time employment actually is. And much like a real job, you are entitled to a day off. Doing this not only prepares you for the world of work but also gives you time to recover and relax from frying your brain thinking about the difference between methodological, systematic, and objective problem solving. Spoilers!! it’s fuck-all.
Watch fictional characters be terrible at life
So now you’re on annual leave you need something to watch. My favourite genre at the moment, is 20-something jobless person whose life has hit rock bottom. I don’t know why, I just really see myself in them? Super weird. Anywave, the catch is, jobless life is pretty boring ngl. You can’t really dramatise making fish finger sandwiches every single day. As a result, these characters actually have some stuff going on in their life which does take you out of the fantasy not to mention the historical inaccuracy. Irregardless, I still find this kind of media so refreshing to watch. Seeing people have the same struggles with jobs as me not only makes me feel less alone but also, gives me hope. It lets me laugh about this honesty, depressing part of my life where I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Well sweaty, Daisy Steiner got her happy ending and so will I!! Some of my faves are:
Fleabag - sharply made episodic comedy drama, ok she owns a business but she’s also a mess so yano, relatable (iPlayer)
Spaced - funny sitcom, both main characters are both in and out of work on the dole. Features multiple job and benefits related humour, ICONIC (4od)
Mission Hill - animated comedy with sickening art style, deals with not just unemployment but also jobless anxiety in your mid 20ies (youtube)
Merched Parchus - representing S4C!! A welsh comedy drama about someone moving back in with Mam a Dad. Ac mae modryb fi ynddo fe! (s4c clic)
Tuca and Bertie - hilarious animated comedy about birds. Tuca lives off her rich auntie and Bertie has a corporate job but is also an emotional mess (netflix)
Start a blog, or something else!
Writing applications is not super fun. As well as making you want to throttle whoever works in HR, it’s also totes boring. Because of this, it really is worth doing something else with your time, if not for building new skills (freelance writer is now my Linkedin handle), then at least for a bit of catharsis. There are many ways you can express your frustrations at joblessness. I happened to do it through a gorgeous comic. You could try your hand at writing, drama, illustration, of whatever floats your boat! If you’re not as susceptible to rumination and expressing intense emotions to others then you could also consider any other creative pursuit. It may lead to a brand new career for you. It may teach you something new you weren’t expecting. Or, it could just be something to do for a bit of fun. Hobbies are cool, and you’d have something to put in your tinder profile. Crusty Debs has been all of this and more. Amidst all the stale applications, it’s given me a bit of purpose which is a key ingredient in like, life fulfillment and stuff.
Lifehack your corporeal form
1 WEIRD BODY HACK THAT WILL BRING YOU INSTANT LIFE SATISFACTION. My past self really wouldn't believe that I'm saying this BUT!!!! turns out, excersise can actually be quite enjoyable and make you feel good. It really is hard to believe but let me tell you, the runners high, it's real although slightly different than expected. I may be a total doomer but, the way I discovered it was when I got my daily rejection letter and instead of inducing a depressive spiral, I was instead only mildly disappointed, and went on with the rest of my day. This may seem kinda boring of a benefit but, personally, what a welcome relief to only be mildly disappointed instead of a depressive rock bottom!! 10/10 would recommend!!
It's also a great excuse for going outside and enjoying nature. I'm very blessed to live in a gorgeous leafy part of the world and I get to explore it whilst going at HIGH SPEEDS. For the metropolitan, urban elite amonst us, you can take the opportunity to explore your local neighbourhood at HIGH SPEEDS. You might even find the perfect spot to light up your next jazz cigarette. Huff puff!!
Rumination is only for Cows
Here’s a fun joke:
What did the cow say was their greatest skill?
CoMOOnication!
I have never used that answer because I am not a cow. It is therefore surprising how susceptible I am to rumination. Maybe it’s because I’m a vegetarian. Anyway, you know when you’ve gotten a job rejection and you feel a bit sad but then you move on and forget about it? Well a much unhealthier option is to never let it go and develop a conspiracy theory about how they already had someone in mind and they didn’t like you anyway because you said you were a free thinker and they want a neoliberal pawn. You can of course, take this unhealthy habit even further and actually find out who they did employ by taking note of the staff list on their website and then periodically checking it every week after the interview and finding the newbie with the job title you went for and then cross referencing it to their linkedin and finding out what made them oh so special. The best case scenario is that they actually have 20 years experience on you so, yknow, fair enough. Worst case is that they are both less qualified and seemingly less remarkable than you.
Now, keeping up with an organisation you want to work for is a good thing but, thing is, despite the fact they seem super unremarkable, they got the job and you didn’t and no amount of spite is going to change that. If it did, I would be a CEO by now and I’m not, i’m sitting here making jokes about cows in job interviews. Moral of the story is, think about your rejections insofar as you can learn from them and after the fun stops, STOP. p.s. the cow got rejected.
Complain to a rotation of friends (oh, and spend time with ppl who love and believe in you i guess x)
There is so much to complain about. Application forms that ask for your entire work history that you have already laid out in your CV. HR people who genuinely think you’ll easily get a job by next week. Psychometric tests. Oh I’m getting heated just thinking about it! I feel like an old fashioned complaining sesh would do me good. Problem is, people don’t wanna hear about that kind of thing over and over so what you need to do is get all those mates on a lazy susan of emotional labour.
This also has the nice side effect of spending time with friends and realising that maybe your whole worth isn’t tied up on whether you’ve got a lanyard and a keycard with a badly compressed picture on it perhaps? Turns out it’s actually kinda nice to connect with people who like, totally see you for your worth as a person and believe that your dreams are all gonna come true or whatever. It sounds super cringe, but like, sometimes the best solution is also the cringiest yknow?
So there you have it, Deborah’s top tips to get you through the jobless slog. And remember folks, when all else fails and you’re still looking for something to do, the guillotine always needs someone to grease the blade.
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