Here at Crusty Debs, we pride ourselves on being crusty hoes, both inside and out. Seeing as you've thoroughly read through our all of our blog posts and spent hours drooling over our insta, we hope that by now you've gotten to know us for who we truly are; a damn-fine-coffee-drinking daddy who still hasn't grown out of their emo phase and a bargain-loving baby on the verge of burning down the nearest Jobcentreplus. But as inspirational as we may be, it's important to remember that (most of the time) your heroes are just normal human beings who oversleep and ignore the red flags and call the waiter daddy and start to smell when they haven't showered in a while.
So for the sole purpose of keeping it real (because, let's face it hun, we're two in a billion - you will never BE us), we have devised this totally fun quiz which should hopefully align you with your nearest and dearest Crustdebian, demonstrating to you just how cool and down-to-earth and relatable we actually are! You could let us know your results in the comments section, but quite frankly, we don't really care - Enjoy xoxoxo
1. How would you describe your fashion sense?
a. Whenever I'm walking down the street, I want people to see me and automatically know that MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday is my favourite song of all time
b. Like a nana who never pays more than 4 pound per item
c. Fashion? I'm too busy getting ready to form a black block
2. How often do you bathe?
a. Often
b. Often enough
c. I don't need to wash myself, self care is a neoliberal con-job designed by the bourgeoisie
3. We're going for a drink, what can I get you?
a. Enough coffee to inhibit my sleep for at least a week
b. Hot tea, spilled
c. A vegan, gluten-free, palm-oil free, pesticide-free IPA brewed in a local commune from grains painstakingly squeezed by the hands of some ex-Buddhist monk called Trevor
4. Oh you're hungry? How about we stop off at Maccies?
a. Two black coffees and a small fries with five pots of curry sauce
b. Give me your steamiest hot apple pie
c. Punching a baby in the face would be more ethical
5. You meet someone who shares similar political views to you, how do you react?
a. Seduce them
b. Befriend them
c. Argue with them in the comments section of otherwise well-meaning Facebook posts in order to expose them for who they truly are (a total poser)
6. What is your animal avatar?
a. A Lobster - small, red, fiercely independent and scary when angry
b. A Peacock - tall, majestic, creative that knows what they want
c. Sabcat
7. You're stranded on a desert island, what do you take with you?
a. Hair Dye
b. Hair rollers
c. Individualised ecosocialist anarchy? Sign me up!
8. Where did you study abroad?
a. Just across Germany and France
b. I found myself in the far east
c. I missed the flight after falling into a ket hole
9. Fave frisky position?
a. Lying on his mattress on the floor with my socks on
b. Anything goes, I'm p versatile
c. Don't care as long as she does the work
10. What is your aspiration in life?
a. To see MCR live
b. To live in a cozy flat with 2 cats and hoards of old furniture
c. USSR take 2 but my mummy can still make potato smileys for me every night
If you answered mostly As... Congratulations! You are Slagatha Christie! Cardiff lass born and bred, hard as nails and good in bed. If it's Slagatha you find yourself aligned with, you are probably a chaotic good h00min who loves animals, caffeine and excessive eyeliner. Although you may come across as a little intimidating and people may find you crass at times, you... actually nah fuck that, they're right.
If you answered mostly Bs... Well done! You are Deborah de Beauvoir!
If you've ended up with Deb, you can pride yourself on sharing personality traits with the most interesting person to have ever lived in England! Like Deb, you are a probably a multi-talented arts and crafts addict, with a real passion for bargain bins and big ass hair rollers. When it comes to giving reviews, whether TV, breakfast, or your mate's latest boyfriend, your critiques may be scathing, but 90% of the time, they're totally right (10% deducted because Deb stand Jimbo in Canada's Drag Race).
If you answered mostly Cs... Uh oh! You are neither sexy Slagatha, nor delicious Deb, you are in fact a SMELLY ANTIFA BOY!
Unlike Deb and Slags, you are yet to learn the importance of self-care, effective activism (basically being nice to other people and not actively shaming them for tryna make the best out of being stuck in an awful capitalist comer culture nightmare world) and probably smell awful. Your hobbies include arguing with strangers in the comments section of staunchly left-wing private Facebook groups (because shaming people who ARE the problem is a waste of time right?), inciting violence at any given opportunity and not sleeping in a proper bed. You probably also own a Nokia brick phone that's too thick to fit into the pockets of your IPA-stained second hand joggers and feel well smug about it. Good for you sweetie, good for you.